Articles like this usually start with a good story, right? I remember in English class, they were often taught to start a story impressively. Well, in that case I’m afraid we have a bit of a problem here.
Every time I think about joining Arsenal, I realize I don’t have the same story as others. I see people saying “Oh, Wenger called me” or talking about fans standing outside their homes shouting their names. What about my story? When the news came out, the only thing I remembered was the whole world calling me a damn bastard.
The story started off very well. I was called up to the England team to attend the rally before the Euros. It was great to be part of the team’s preparation for that summer’s tournament. At that time, the agent informed me that Arsenal “showed interest”. In football today, you never know what that means. I try to stay calm, not get too excited.
I asked the question: “Interested? What does that mean?”
My agent replied, “I don’t know. They care about you.”
“So they want to recruit me?”
“Maybe yes, maybe not. There is interest.”
The next day, I ran into Bukayo Saka for coffee. At that time, I was still not too familiar with him, so I asked myself, “I guess I can’t ask him?”. Actually, I mean what am I supposed to say.
“Good morning, Bukayo. How are you? Um, don’t you know your club is interested in me?”, crazy but that’s what I said. Bukayo said that the information was correct and the head coach called to ask him about my personality. I guess Bukayo replied that I was a good person, because I received word from my agent a few days later that a transfer was in progress.
It’s unbelievable Arsenal. It was one of the best days of my life. My friends texted me constantly: “You are a legend, you are a legend.” Really happy.
Then I came home from practice and picked up my phone to look, the information was still very hot. And I see 100 notifications, my phone vibrates continuously. What’s happening? Normally I’m used to receiving about 15-20 notifications a day (and 3 of them are from my mother). Today, my phone keeps blowing up with notifications. I went to Twitter and saw that the information had been leaked, and my blood really got hot when I looked at the phone screen.
“@AaronRamsdale98, don’t come here”
“Relegated twice? The contract is too bad.”
“24 million pounds? Waste boy”.
Then came a positive message: “Welcome to North London, Aaron!”. And ping, ping, ping, followed by a series of abusive messages.
After the initial shock, I thought: “That’s enough. My mistake was turning on message notifications. Modern football is like that, social networks are too toxic. Just consider it just a few troll words, don’t worry.”
I walked into the room and turned on the TV. Football is the only way I know to relax. Just ask my wife. Basically I’m like a football fan who happens to play football. If I’m in the car, I’ll turn on a football podcast. If I’m at home and Georgina is watching a show she likes, I’ll sit next to her and use my iPad to watch whatever match is on Sky.
Back to the story, I turned on Sky Sports News. You know when former players and pundits sit around the table on the Sky studios and shake their heads, behind them is a picture of a person? Yes, that’s my face, and the experts don’t look happy.
“Bad contract, not capable of playing for Arsenal.”
“It costs too much money, I don’t like it.”
“Two relegations? 24 million pounds? Waste”.
No, the last sentence was just a joke. But in general, the atmosphere of the conversation is like that. They don’t like me. It’s an interesting experience to see the legends you’ve admired since you were a kid say you’re trash to the entire country. That had a pretty big impact on me. In just a few hours, from cloud 9 I was back on the ground.
I turned off the TV, turned off all social media notifications. Fortunately, after the Euro, things calmed down. I’m really excited to join my dream club and start a new experience. Forget the sarcasm and gossip, this is just fun because it’s Arsenal.
I called my legendary friends, they will never let me down. They come to the house and the first thing they say is, “Hey, you know what people say about you?”
“No, I don’t know yet!
“My friend, some memes are quite funny, check them out.”
You know, people say you have to be a little crazy if you want to be a goalkeeper. But in my family, I am a normal person. My eldest brother Edward was a prison warden. Older brother Oliver is an artist in the West End. My dad is a true classicist. Dad doesn’t like fancy European football where the goalkeeper keeps the ball at his feet. No no. Dad often said that he would call Mr. Arteta to say: “Let my son play ‘number 9’.” That’s how my father is.
My mother is a worried person. If my prison guard brother was sitting at the pub with his friends, mom would wait until he texted that he was home safe. He is 32 years old but still texted: “Yes mom, I’m going home, put the blanket on and go to sleep, love you mom.”
I’m the youngest and probably the blandest. Every time people tell me that I’m courageous or that I’ve pursued my football dream, I just laugh. Oliver is the real superstar in the house, he is the brave one. Three weeks before he planned to go to school in Bedford, he told his parents he changed his mind. He didn’t want to become a physical education teacher but wanted to pursue his dream, going to drama school. So he put everything into going to London to pursue a completely different life.
But that’s not the bravest thing he’s done, it’s not what makes me admire Oliver. My brother is gay and he has lived an open, real life since school. I am very proud to say he is my brother. I haven’t talked about this before, but with everything going on in football right now, I thought I needed to mention it. Oliver is like me in many ways. He is very popular, loves football, likes to meet and talk with friends, loves “Gunners”. He’s proud of me and I’m so proud of him.
Over the years, I have had to restrain myself many times both in the locker room and on social networks whenever I read or heard homophobic comments. And I think maybe my brother does the same because sometimes letting things go makes life easier.
But it all ends today. It’s not easy to be open like this, but there will never be such a thing as “the right time”. I’ve been preparing for this story since the beginning of the summer and the family has given me extra motivation. If I tell my story, I will tell it correctly.
When I signed for Arsenal, I could stand all the things people said about me. But there are a few family-related comments and they completely go overboard. As a goalkeeper, I listened to it all. You can say almost anything about me and I’ll laugh. I might even go back and say something to you. But when words go beyond a certain limit, become homophobic or homophobic, they are completely wrong.
I could hear comments like, “Shut up, Ramsdale. Focus on football, kid.”
But football is for everyone. If you disagree, you’re probably the one who needs to shut up and look at yourself in the mirror. Look, there’s a lot of things that keep me focused on football where you don’t need to do things that are off-limits. I’m a football fan like anyone. Before the club signed me, I was probably as skeptical as everyone else. Up until joining Arsenal, my whole life was basically a series of long setbacks.
For the first time in my life I will tell you how many times I failed. When I was 15 years old, I was returned by Bolton because I couldn’t fit into the shirt. My body was so small at that time that it looked like I was wearing my father’s shirt. I tried out at 5-6 clubs in the area and every team said no.
What a shame. Soccer and being a goalkeeper were the only topics I talked about in school. I had a great English teacher, Mr. Kerr, who always let me relate every topic in class to football. He let me talk about West Brom or Chelsea for 10 minutes and somehow related it to what we were learning. When I was eliminated by teams, I was very sad because football was a part of who I was at school. I didn’t talk to anyone after that and was so embarrassed that I didn’t want to talk to my friends.
At that time I thought the dream was over. But one day, Mr. Kerr called me aside after class and asked what was going on. I told him everything and still remember him saying sincerely: “How many clubs are there in this country?” Probably around 80, right? You will find a team for yourself, never give up on your dream.”
A few weeks later, Sheffield United let me join the academy. I wish I could say they hired me. But really, it was more like they let me join.
4 years later, I played my first professional match for Chesterfield and played on Accrington Stanley’s field in mid-January. The field was full of mud, at least in my remaining memory that was the case. In the second half, I conceded an own goal, probably the worst you’ll ever see. We lost 0-3 and I heard the whole field chant: “It’s all your fault, it’s all your fault, it’s all your fault.”
At that moment, I felt like I was suddenly small. I turned around, in League Two the fans stood very close so I could look straight into an uncle’s eyes. It’s confusing if you can’t say anything when the two of you are in contact at such a close distance. At that time I thought, “You know what? If I were standing in the stands with my friends after having a few drinks, I would probably do the same.”
So the next away match I don’t know what will happen to me. However, when the fans started booing, I turned around, randomly picked someone, and smiled widely. The whole audience turned towards that uncle and started laughing. At that moment, it felt like a part of my burden had been lifted.
Throughout the game, whenever I had a little break, I would come back and make jokes. If I joke, the whole audience will laugh. If I made a bad joke, they would criticize me. It sounds ridiculous, but that’s pretty much how I deal with pressure. When you play football in League Two or even the Championship you play for their lives. When Chesterfield were relegated, club members left the building after the final match with cardboard boxes full of their belongings. I think that only happens in movies. At that time I thought: The uniform staff, the cleaning staff, the ticket sales staff… they were unemployed because of what happened on the field.
That’s life. It was a very, very difficult lesson and one I had to learn. The first 4 seasons of my professional football life, I finished the season at 24th, 20th, 18th and 20th positions respectively. Before last season’s title race, I had never competed for a title. nothing at club level.
Maybe that’s something all kids need to remember, who are often told that anything less than perfect is the end of their dreams. As long as the necessary people believe in you and they see you’ve worked hard and see what you bring to the team, it doesn’t matter what the haters say. Mikel Arteta saw something special in me and that’s what matters. I remember the first time I met Mikel, he said: “Just be yourself.”
Maybe a lot of people think we don’t get along because he’s a very motivated and serious person and I’m a joker. However, we get along very well.
He said he wanted me to play high and be more active. And in every training session, I will try to play higher, more aggressive. But that’s not enough, he said: “No, higher”. Every day it gets a little higher.
I thought to myself: What the hell is this, I’m near the midfield line, how much higher?
Working with him was great because he let me share how it felt to feel a little bit “blown” when kicking more aggressively, then he showed me 10, 20 times different examples of different players. The team plays the way he wants. Sometimes I wonder: “Oh my god, we’re watching the old Barcelona. Are you sure we can do it?”
But eventually, we were able to get to the point where we didn’t need to think too much and the results spoke for themselves.
I’ll never forget my first start in the League Cup, away to West Brom, and our fans standing in the corner cheering. I thought, “God, I hope they don’t boo me.”
In the first 5 minutes, I barely even touched the ball and didn’t make a single save. But the fans still chanted my name. Really goosebumps. I looked far away at a spot in the stands, and in that moment I realized: These are real fans. They arrived at West Brom that Wednesday evening. You will meet some idiots on the Internet talking nonsense. But who cares? True fans will support you. And that’s when I felt at home.
Overall the first 2 seasons in North London were fantastic. Of course we didn’t reach the end goal last season and it’s still sad. However, when I think about the team’s progress, I’m really proud. If I could play the role of a football fan and see things from the outside, I would feel the quality of this club’s collective is outstanding.
This summer, Georgina and I received the wonderful gift that she was pregnant again. We will have a “little Gooner” and both husband and wife are very happy. When you know you will become a father, you will think about the future and the type of man you want to be.
My dream is to win the Premier League and parade through North London. There is also the World Cup, the Champions League. I have dreams like that and they are all about football.
As an individual, I have another dream. I want the game I love to be safe and a place for everyone. I want my brother Ollie, or anyone of any gender, race, religion, to come to the games without being subjected to insults.
And when we lift the trophy at the Emirates, I want my brother to be there with me. What could the trolls tell us then? Nothing. Love you so much, brother.